This week on Text Me Back!, mostly-optimistic hosts Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays allow themselves exactly 4 minutes total to hate on Senator Dick Durbin and cream cheese frosting. Then, bestselling author and beloved TV writer Samantha Irby enters the chat to explain how she got Miranda to beat up The Killer on an episode of And Just Like That. And, Lindy and Meagan get too scared to shower after reading listeners' real-life close calls with The Killer!