Reframe your relationship with dread: 5 exercises to help accept what scares you
This story was originally published on November 28, 2022. It has been updated to include a rerun episode.
The list of things we dread is almost endless: the Sunday scaries, climate change, deadlines, the holidays, simple errands, you name it.
So how can we feel better when we're anticipating the worst? We've been exploring this theme in a mini-series in Season 2 of More Than a Feeling, a podcast on emotions from the meditation and mindfulness platform Ten Percent Happier. And we've learned that dread isn't all that bad.
It turns out there are some benefits in starting an open conversation about the things that worry us. "The purpose of dread is to help prepare you," says psychologist Ali Mattu. "It's to help you think about what might happen. It's to help you take actions that you can right now."
We talked to researchers, art therapists and death doulas to find out how to dread better.
1. Rewrite your dread
We often struggle to talk about dread because it can feel so heavy. Poet and clinical psychologist Hala Alyan has a suggestion: Write down the things you're concerned about.
Exercise: She shares a journal prompt to help you emotionally distance from your dread: "Write yourself a letter from your Dread's point of view. The letter should answer the following questions: What are you hoping to achieve? How do you think it's going? What is your intention?"
2. Draw your dread
What happens when we express our dread without words? Art therapist Naomi Cohen-Thompson and meditation teacher and writer Jeff Warren explain why reframing our attitudes toward dread nonverbally can help us accept what scares us.
Exercise: Draw how you are feeling inside, then "take note of how you feel when you look at your drawing," according to Ten Percent Happier. "If it amuses you, you could even try sticking it up on the wall near your work space to help it feel welcome, instead of like an enemy you want to reject."
3. Find the joy in dreading ... death
Fear of death may be the ultimate type of dread we face, but clinical psychologist Rachel Menzies and death doula Alua Arthur say that facing death can be a joyful exercise. They make a compelling case for why remembering we will die – instead of trying to forget – can help us accept the inevitable.
Exercise: "At some point in the next 24 hours, wherever you are — in your home, or out on a walk — take 3 to 5 minutes to pause. Then, take a look around you. Look at and name the things that are either dying or have died," according to Ten Percent Happier. That includes the wood on your desk or the lightbulb in your kitchen that just blew out.
4. Schedule your dread
This is how my dread works: I dread something. I try to avoid thinking about it. I fail. Before I know it, I've spent an entire day stuck in an endless loop of worry. Mattu says to carve out "worry time" to keep dread from becoming too overwhelming.
Exercise: "Block off about 10 minutes," says Mattu. "Then, simply sit with the running list of things you're dreading. When the timer dings, you can leave dread behind, knowing that there will be more time to address it later."
5. Notice your surroundings
After speaking with More Than a Feeling listeners, it became clear that one of the biggest issues they're worried about right now is the state of our planet. Therapist Patty Adams helped me understand how connecting to the environment can help us build emotional resilience -- so that even if we feel discouraged by "eco-dread," as it's called, we don't stay there for too long.
Exercise: "This evening, some time around sunset, stop what you're doing, and step outside," according to Ten Percent Happier. "Take time to notice things around you: the quality of the light, the color it makes on your skin or the other structures or living things around you. When you turn around to go back in, does a little bit of that evening glow follow you back in?"
You can find our miniseries The Dread Project in the More Than a Feeling podcast feed, wherever you listen.
The audio portion of this episode was produced by Jen Poyant. The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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