Panicked. Angry. Thrilling: 'Exit Interview' examines Amazon’s culture through the eyes of a former exec

As Amazon set out to change the world during the early 2000s, Kristi Coulter was on her own transformation journey within the company.

Coulter was hired by the company in 2006. Over the ensuing 12 years, her role changed many times. She did stints in merchandising and executive development, and at one point she served as the West Coast editorial director for Amazon Publishing.

In her new memoir, "Exit Interview: The Life and Death of My Ambitious Career," Coulter takes a hard look at the intense pressure and psychological strain — and even the physical toll — that she and her colleagues experienced at Amazon. She describes a company culture that promoted fear and anger in employees in its pursuit of market dominance at any cost.

"People were panicked, they were angry, they were upset. But they were so beaten down," Coulter told Soundside. "They were already so beaten down that there was no question that they were going to suck it up and do it. Because the consequence for not doing it would be that you don't work at Amazon anymore."

Despite this, Coulter said it was thrilling to ascend through the company's ranks and to access the opportunities it provided.

"If you're somebody who really wants to do big things that sound crazy on the face of them, you can do incredibly well at Amazon," she said. "The risks they'll take — their patience with failure — I think is an enormous strength."

In "Exit Interview," Coulter describes how long hours, weekend work, and midnight emails were the norm for the employees she managed, as were tearful conversations among female Amazon employees.

"I found managing women to be exhausting, because of the crippling insecurity," she recounted. "These were brilliant women. I mean, they were so good at their jobs...often better at their jobs than the men I managed were at theirs. But they needed so much propping up because they were so insecure."

That deep-rooted insecurity was amplified by the work environment Amazon created — one in which few women reached leadership status, Coulter said. That insecurity also manifested in her.

"I did not believe I was a capable, successful professional," she said. "I got to a point where my self-esteem was so low that I really thought I was unemployable outside Amazon — I truly believed I would not be able to get a job anywhere else. And that I just needed to keep fooling Amazon into thinking that I was capable."

Listen to Sounside's full interview with Kristi Coulter by clicking the play icon at the top of this story.