Two Widows on Opposing Sides Assisted Suicide

Austin Jenkins
09/23/2008

This November, Washington State voters will decide whether to adopt an Oregon–style assisted suicide law. Initiative 1000 would allow terminally ill patients to request a lethal dose of drugs from their doctor. In this edition of our voters' guide, Correspondent Austin Jenkins profiles two widows. They've both witnessed death up close, but have formed opposite views on this issue.

NANCY NIEDZIELSKI SITS IN HER KITCHEN IN LYNNWOOD, WASHINGTON. SHE THUMBS THROUGH PICTURES OF HER HUSBAND RANDY BEFORE HE DIED OF BRAIN CANCER TWO YEARS AGO.

NIEDZIELSKI: "Very athletic man. Always in excellent health his whole life."

NIEDZIELSKI SAYS HER HUSBAND'S DEATH WAS THE DEFINITION OF UNDIGNIFIED; NOTHING LIKE WHAT HE WANTED.

NIEDZIELSKI: "That I had to pick him up and change his diapers just like you would change a baby. That I had to feed them and have him drool all over his food, he didn't want that. That isn't dignified."

SHE SAYS HIS DYING WISH WAS THAT WASHINGTON ADOPT AN OREGON–STYLE PHYSICIAN–AID–IN–DYING LAW. TODAY, NIEDZIELSKI IS ONE OF THE LEADING VOICES FOR I–1000, WHAT SUPPORTERS CALL WASHINGTON'S DEATH WITH DIGNITY ACT. IT WOULD ALLOW PHYSICIANS TO PRESCRIBE A LETHAL DOSE OF MEDICATION TO PATIENTS WHO REQUEST IT AND ARE DIAGNOSED WITH LESS THAN SIX MONTHS TO LIVE. NIEDZIELSKI VISIBLY BRISTLES AT THE TERM ASSISTED SUICIDE.

NIEDZIELSKI: "It makes me angry to hear anybody say that my husband was suicidal. This is someone who is not physically healthy, who is going to die and just wants to shorten their suffering."

BUT ANOTHER RECENT WIDOW SEES THIS ISSUE VERY DIFFERENTLY. RHEBA DE TORNYAY IS FORMER DEAN OF THE UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON SCHOOL OF NURSING. IN THE STUDY OF HER CONDOMINIUM, SHE POINTS OUT PHOTOS OF HER HUSBAND RUDY.

DE TORNYAY: "And then that's one of the two of us in Vienna."

DE TORNYAY'S HUSBAND DIED LAST YEAR AT THE AGE OF 95 AFTER A PROLONGED ILLNESS. SHE SAYS RIGHT AFTER HIS DIAGNOSIS, HER HUSBAND SAID HE WISHED THEY LIVED IN OREGON SO HE COULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE LAW THERE. ULTIMATELY THOUGH, SHE SAYS, HE DIED NATURALLY AND COMFORTABLY AT HOME – HIS WIFE OF 55 YEARS AT HIS SIDE.

DE TORNYAY: "At the very, very end with the kind of good care and the mixture of medications that they gave him, he really was not uncomfortable at the end."

THE LAST TIME AN END–OF–LIFE ISSUE WAS ON WASHINGTON'S BALLOT (IN 1991) DE TORNYAY WAS ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THIS ARGUMENT. NOW, AFTER WATCHING HER HUSBAND DIE, DE TORNYAY HAS CHANGED HER MIND AND BECOME A VOCAL OPPONENT OF PHYSICIAN ASSISTED DYING. SHE DOESN'T SEE THE NEED FOR IT.

DE TORNYAY: "We are doing a whole lot better with controlling pain and anxiety so that if people would just choose hospice care earlier than they do they really would have a whole lot easier time with this."

DE TORNYAY ALSO BELIEVES THE SIX–MONTHS–TO–LIVE DIAGNOSIS IS UNRELIABLE. AND SHE WORRIES THAT DYING PEOPLE COULD FEEL PRESSURE TO TAKE THEIR OWN LIVES. AS SHE THINKS ABOUT HER OWN DEATH — SHE IS 82 — SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T NEED THIS OPTION.

DE TORNYAY: "I would like to be enveloped in the love of a good caregiver that I would get and would help me be comfortable."

NANCY NIEDZIELSKI RESPONDS THAT PAIN MEDICATION SOMETIMES ISN'T ENOUGH. SHE ALSO ARGUES THAT OVER THE PAST TEN YEARS THE DATA COMING OUT OF OREGON HAS PROVED THE LAW CAN WORK. SHE SAYS THIS COMES DOWN TO HAVING A CHOICE IN ONE'S FINAL DAYS.

NIEDZIELSKI: "You don't know how you're going to feel at the end of your life – none of us do. I can't say sitting here today what I would choose, but i want to have the choices available to me. None of us knows."

FOR THESE TWO WIDOWS, THE EXPERIENCE OF WATCHING THEIR SPOUSES DIE HAS DEEPLY SHAPED THEIR VIEWS ON THIS ISSUE. NOW WASHINGTON VOTERS WILL HAVE TO DO THEIR OWN SOUL–SEARCHING ABOUT WHETHER TO MAKE PHYSICIAN ASSISTED SUICIDE A LEGAL OPTION. I'M AUSTIN JENKINS REPORTING.

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